How to be a better human. Part 1:Love

“To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything”- T. Tolis.

I know the title leads you to believe that this piece of writing doesn’t actually belong on a motivational website. If you give it a chance, I promise it could help you more than you’d think. It could make YOU and the people in your life happier. You probably think I’m about to get super mushy and start talking about boyfriend-girlfriend vibes but I promise I won’t… Okay, maybe a little bit. (We all know that deep down, we love reading about these things all the time).

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It is important that in the journey to becoming a better human; We should acquire the characteristics of compassion and benevolence. I believe that we should all mater the skills of giving and receiving love. It may sound too simple of a solution to the world’s problems and it is often expected to happen naturally, but evidently this is not true. Love is something we have to learn to accept, learn to give, learn to nurture and learn to appreciate. I am not only talking about the love you find between partners. We all know that there are special relationships and deep bonds of love between siblings, parents and children, friends, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, adopted parents, foster parents or any relationship that you find important in your life. Any relationship that you can’t imagine your life without deserves to be nurtured in the right way.

“More often than not, we end up losing people because they did not feel loved or cared for.”

We have come to assume that it is our duty and responsibility to love these people no matter what the situation may be. We show each of them the same kind of love which doesn’t always work out for everybody. People fight, disagree and sometimes don’t appreciate our love. This is not because they don’t want it, but, I suggest that the love is not in the form that is suited to them. It is not how they prefer to be loved.

I have come across the idea of “the different languages of love” more than once and thought it would be something great to share, as not many people think about it in this way. What is meant by this statement is that different people each have their own preferred way of receiving love. They also tend to give love in this way too, which works out well for them, but not for the person receiving the love. The person receiving the love may have their own way.

 

baby-2025691_960_720For example, a relationship between a father and son has been struggling for some time. They both know that they love each other and care for each other. They just can’t seem to get along. Everything the father tries to do to show his son how much he cares irritates the son who does not want to be taught everything by his father. The son would like to experience life in his own way. Understand that the son’s “language of love” entails him going to his father for advice when he needs it. He wishes his father would let him make his own mistakes and trust him with his own life decisions. If he needs his dad, he will not hesitate to ask. The father’s “language of love” involves him doing as much with, and for his son as possible because he never had a father figure. The father wants to give his son everything that he missed out on. The father does not want his son to make the same mistakes he made in his life. Each of them need to understand this about each other and come to a compromise. They need to learn to give more of what the other person needs when showing their love. The son could spend more time with his dad, listening to his stories and showing an interest in his father’s life. This will help the son understand why his father is the way he is. The father could let go of the hold he wants to have on his son. The father should let him experience life on his own and trust him to find the right path.

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More often than not, we end up losing people because they did not feel loved or cared for. This can be tragic when we understand that it was the wrong KIND of love that they were receiving. We need to learn how to give love the way that the person receiving it wants to be loved- not how we want to be loved ourselves. We need to learn how to compromise, and not make an issue of it. If the compromise is made, it is made with the intention to never throw it in the other person’s face, but to improve the relationship because you cherish that person and love them enough to give of yourself instead of taking from them.

 

The only way we can be better humans is if we start improving ourselves in the way that we act and our focus. We need to learn to treat those we love better than we would even treat ourselves because these are the people that are going to support you in becoming a better person. Mostly, love them better because they deserve it and because you owe it to yourself to know that you showed them nothing less than the best of you. I promise you, that this is something another human will never forget- They will forget what you said but never how you made them feel. ❤

-Nabila Lortan

 


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